To The Boy Who Couldn’t Love Me,
I want you to know that I understand and that I’m sorry. I know that I am not easy to love, and I know that most of the time I didn’t make it easier. I know that you tried and I am so thankful for that. But I also know that the reason you could never say those words in return is because you never truly felt them. How could you if you never truly understood the devils that made their home within me.
Part of me is thankful for that too, because I know that is how you were able to move on so quickly and be around me so easily. Even while it’s killing me, I take comfort in knowing you are ok.
I know that you truly loved the person you wanted so desperately for me to be, and I wanted so badly to be for you, but I just couldn’t. And for that I’m sorry too. I wanted you to know me, but the girl you created was just too beautiful to kill.
I loved you immensely and will always want the best for you. So, I hope you find that girl, the one you wanted me to be. I hope she makes you happier than I ever could. I hope she loves you as much as I do, only better. And I hope you love her the way you thought you would be able to love me. But mostly importantly, I hope she’s nothing like me.
I hope she doesn’t dance down the aisles of the grocery store with you, or sing embarrassingly to rap songs in your car. I hope she doesn’t call you by your middle name, or tease you endlessly with sarcasm so thick it covers the love under it all. I hope she can’t go drink for drink with you, or match your love for tequila. But most importantly I hope she doesn’t struggle to show how much she loves you.
So here’s to a life that never fully got a chance to be lived.
Forever,
The girl that tried