Just one girl's thoughts…
The air is cold against your skin, biting to your bones.
Bare branches hang against the backdrop of cotton candy skies.
The world is quiet.
Eyes closed, feeling the dead earth beneath you, you realize the birds have all become silent.
Stoic silhouettes cast harsh shadows against the morning dew covered ground.
Good morning world.
~l m d
Standing all alone today, I heard your voice.
It came through clear,. strong, deep, and warm, just the way you were.
I’m not sure why I was the soul who heard you. The message was not for me, but for more important ones you left behind.
Nevertheless, as florescent bulbs flickered above me, lighting my sad reflection in the cheap unframed mirror, I heard you.
Two words to heal the hurt.
~l m d
All is quiet in the world around,
but inside my head is a mad house…
~l m d
Rumbles, loud as thunder, fill the open air as the car pushes forward along a long and empty road.
Our headlights are only outshone by the moon looming over us and the stars strewn across the sky.
To the right, across an empty field, I see lightning just above the tree line lighting up the bottoms of the clouds that the moon can not touch.
The hot, thick air sticks to my face and neck and falls heavy in my lungs.
My hair whips in the wind, covering my eyes so that I can only see in flashes.
But I can feel it; summer’s rage is ending.
~l m d
Time is not always the answer for wounds, that’s why there are scars.
In just a little over 6 months you scarred me more than I could’ve ever imagined.
Some nights when I close my eyes I can still see the blood.
I can still feel the cold metal of your gun.
I can still see the gleam of light off the blade of the knife.
I can still hear the sound of breaking glass, still see the holes in the walls and the curtains on the floor.
And try as hard as I might, I can still remember all the terrible things you said to me and tried to make me believe about myself.
I even still remember how scared I felt curled up in the corner of the kitchen with my hands on my head, hiding from you.
I remember all the times you almost wrecked the car because you were driving erratically while screaming at me.
I remember everything.
You can paint the picture anyway you want, we both know you were always good at spinning the truth, but I was there and I remember
~l m d
To my sister,
Thank you.
We may not have started out in life very close; you tortured me and I annoyed you. We didn’t get along at first, and the truth is we still don’t sometimes. No matter what though, at the end of the day, you are my best friend in the world.
We held each others hands through divorce, moves, heartbreaks, and the loss of people we weren’t ready to say goodbye to. We also cheered each other on through graduations, job changes, and major life alterations.
You sat with me during my darkest hours and picked me up off the floor when I could not even function enough to stand. There is nothing I could ever say or do to repay you for that.
You gave me a place to stay when I had no where else to go. Even when I tried to push you away, out of shame for how far I’d let my life spiral out of control, you never gave up on me.
You always tell me how strong I am, but I hope you know how strong you really are. You are so driven, smart, funny, and beautiful. You have such a big heart, but still know how to be tough when the time calls for it.
I admire you more than you’ll probably ever know. Thank you for the beautiful soul that you are. I love you a bushel and a peck.
~l m d
I lay on the floor, carpet soft against my bare skin, staring blankly ahead.
Light pours in from outside, illuminating the dark apartment. Tiny shards of glass lay sprawled across the floor, sparkling like stars in the midnight sky. Beauty coming from utter chaos.
The strength and rage needed to make such minuscule pieces from such thick glass is almost as impressive as it is terrifying.
I am covered in glass and so are you.
Was it worth it, that small moment of satisfaction?
I did nothing to deserve this rage. All I ever wanted was to silence those voices in your head. They scream so loud that I can almost hear them when you look at me.
I can’t stop them though. So instead I lay. And I try to make something beautiful from the broken.
~l m d
Beauty and grace showered over her, and she wore kindness and determination like the best of clothing. Her brain and heart were larger and more brilliant than any I ever had the pleasure to know. She was strong, even when she didn’t feel it. She was brave beyond belief, and I imagine she could have slain a thousand dragons if any still roamed earth. She had a spirit that lit up every room like a super nova. Her laughter was melodious and her happiness, contagious. The world was unprepared for the force of nature that she was; unbreakable and pure. She saved all she met without ever knowing it, and I believe that she could save the world.
~l m d
Stephen Chbosky once wrote, “we accept the love we think we deserve.”
Had I not been so brutally honest with myself I may have tried to argue with him, but I can not. I have exclusively chosen broken, one-sided, and abusive love.
I want to do better, but it’s hard to assert your value when you’ve never really felt worth anything.
~l m d
Monsters are real.
Some live inside your head, and some are sleeping in your bed.
Some will rip your being apart, and others will destroy your heart.
They leave destruction in their wake, believing souls are theirs to take.
But, don’t assume the monsters knew; for some of us are monsters too…
~l m d